i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
