Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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