Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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