you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
