I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
