my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
