I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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