He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
