omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
