Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
