apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
