Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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