My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
