shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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