we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
