Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
