I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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