you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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