Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
