His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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