hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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