distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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