You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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