I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
