I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
