we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
