EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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