My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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