I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
