dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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