Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
