Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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