just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
