Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
