Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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