Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
