We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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