The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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