she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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