just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
