This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
