Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
