So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
