so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
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Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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