I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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