I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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