He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
