Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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