god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
