he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
