I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he puts the penis in happiness.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
