I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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