How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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