I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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