My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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