when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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