Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
