Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I did not marry a roomba.
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