Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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