You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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