How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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