Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
