I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
