im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
