I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
