Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
