It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
