you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
