Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
