the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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