Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize