The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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