Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
