I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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