life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
