I'm gonna have a badass scar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
