big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
