Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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