what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
