alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
