after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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