If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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